Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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