Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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