I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
