never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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