The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
