wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
