I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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