i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
They have beer where we have blood.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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