And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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