Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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