what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
