Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
