you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
