apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Less talking, more tequila
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
