shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
