she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
