I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
