Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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