i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just invented taco cereal.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
