i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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