I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Randomize
