I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
