All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
