Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
