We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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