Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
