You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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