Can i not drive my cunt home
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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