He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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