somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
