So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I forget how to act sober
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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