sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
