Can Purell be used as lube?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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