Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Fuck appropriateness.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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