All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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