Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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