1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
