Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
