Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you win again, gameday.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
