My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
