I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
