I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Hippo gnu deer
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
