i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
