that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
