The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
