Swine flu. Run for my life!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
