Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
