Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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