if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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