i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
